North Hollywood, California
Sometimes not getting stuff written happens because work is busy. And sometimes it happens because of stuff going on in my own life. I've just been down for the past few days - and no, I"m not going to discuss it here. But I did do one thing today - I wrote the last scene I can possibly write at the office. Kind of a finale of sorts. There's a lot of that going around lately. The remaining two scenes will be done from right here at home.

I've been thinking of admitting this at some point, but many of us know what a downer Maud's journals became toward the end of her life, so why make this one a downer? But the thing is, I've felt all along that I'm a good candidate to write about Maud's life because I understand depression. I've struggled with it most of my life. I'm much better than I used to be, but I still have my days (like the last few) where I sink below a certain level and it's all I can do to be productive. Maud had a depressive nature, there's no mistaking that. I can relate to that. Which makes Maud all the more amazing, especially in the later years, for turning out books that radiated the "sunshine and optimism" she said she wanted to be a messenger of. Do I think a lot of her misery was self-inflicted, that her continuing negativity resulted in multiple self-fulfilling prophecies? Oh, yeah. That's one of the insidious things about depression - not only does it have the power to help you manifest more negativity and therefore more things to be depressed about, but it can also make you act in certain ways and cause situations that give you more reasons to be depressed. I've done it, certainly. And Maud did it. Not that she didn't have a lot to be genuinely depressed about - what few friends she had dying, Ewan's melancholia, and Chester didn't make it easy on her, no. But I think she got caught up in it, thereby contributing to her own misery. I know a little bit about that, too - although, unlike Maud, I've done enough self-examination over the years to where I'm aware of it! Maud "grumbled" about it in her journals, but...I wonder if she'd have been better off putting more of it into her work. I know she didn't want to bring other people down...but it can be very cathartic to work it out, well, through one's work. But enough about that for now.

The next thing for me to do (besides getting over myself) is to take the libretto and read through it from the very beginning, all the way to the current stopping place, in preparation for writing the final song, which is going to easily be the longest song in the show. A soliloquy (yes, I had to look that one up!), which we really haven't had so far. Maud needs to reflect over the whole of her life, and I have to make sure I reference enough of what's already happened in the show just to tie everything together. Only thing is, I'm tired...I didn't really sleep last night. But, if I'm going to get this done by 15 December...well, hopefully you'll all forgive me if it ends up being 16 or 17 December. But done it will be by this time next week. It needs to be.

And then on to the business of getting 9LoLMM off the page and onto the stage!